Our biggest challenge with Ross is communication. He can’t talk, he doesn’t use much sign language, and he won’t make eye contact usually.
People usually ask, “Will my autistic child ever talk?” It’s harder after 5 years old, but 64 studies found autistic children who learned how to speak later, usually between 5 and 7. Applied behavior analysis (ABA) is the most common therapy, but it doesn’t always work well for speaking.
What you have to do with Ross and other low level autistic people that are like him, is you have to really know the person inside and out, so that if he looks at you a certain way, you have to have enough experience to know exactly what that means, just because you’ve done trial and error.
If he wants something he will take your hand and take you to it, but he still can’t communicate and say “I’m upset, this has hurt my feelings,” so what he’ll do is he’ll lash out at somebody. He used to lash out at Wayne all the time because he didn’t like Wayne, which is true, and it’s not because we’re divorced. It’s because Wayne was really mean to him. Part of that was probably because he didn’t understand it.
That’s the biggest problem. Most people on the spectrum, though, I would say, have had some type of communication breakthrough. Ross is probably one of the toughest cases in terms of that. Especially younger kids, they’re using that ABA all the time so they are having a much easier time getting kids to use assistive technology, where they have a computer device or something and they can communicate on it if they can’t physically talk. But Ross is not there yet.
I created cards that were 3 x 5, and they were all light yellow, which is a color that’s not threatening to Ross, then we put words in bold black print, in capital letters, all the variables controlled, so the only thing different were the words on the card. And those cards say food, quiet, toilet, bed, and music, because he loves music. They are big, general words, but Ross will select the food one appropriately almost all the time. He’ll go up to the caregiver, and he’ll take the card from a wristband, which has a hole punched in it, and he’ll show them the food card then go sit at the table. They have to guess what kind of food he wants, but at least he gets his meaning across.
The other one he’ll select is quiet, or music. If he selects music then they’ll put on Peter, Paul & Mary, or John Denver, things like that. He loves classical music too. He doesn’t like hard rock, that’s upsetting to him, and he doesn’t like football, basketball, or any of the sports that the caregivers watch all of the time. He gets tired of that. Basically you have to know him. You have to know what he’s trying to tell you. He’s not potty-trained as far as urinating, though he is with his bowel movements. Being able to communicate with your child is crucial in caring for him or her properly.
